Wednesday, May 30, 2007

short cuts

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I feel as though my life has increasingly become filled with short cuts. Yesterday I spilled some grape jelly on the carpet (we all know how badly that stains), and I couldn't be bothered to do more than wipe it up, leaving two bright purple streaks on the beige carpet. They're still there.

In fact, eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich as a late lunch was itself a short cut. I was super hungry when I got home, but couldn't bring myself to do more than slap PB&J between two slices of soft potato bread before retreating to the sofa.

Depression has pinned me under its weight, making my household responsibilities next to impossible to meet. Laundry, dirty dishes, pet care, errands and finances all suffer from my inattention.

Since my husband started barber school in March, he is gone for about 17 hours each day, six days a week (though he's home a little longer on Mondays and Saturdays). Sunday is his only day at home.

So although I'm at home much more than he is, as I only work 3/4 of full time at my job, he ends up addressing many of these household tasks on his one day off.

I feel horribly guilty. Perhaps when we are better off financially I can hire some help around the house. But I know that won't do anything to change the real issue: my depression.

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