Thursday, November 08, 2007

disappointed in myself


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As I mentioned earlier this week, my great friend D is coming today and staying over tonight and tomorrow night. It's our celebration of my birthday. I turn the big 3-0 next Wednesday. Yikes! We're going to see Tori Amos tomorrow night and generally hanging out together. But I haven't been able to do anything I wanted to do in preparation for her visit.

I wanted to clean the house from top to bottom. It didn't happen. I wanted to hit the grocery store to buy ingredients to prepare some home cooked meals for us. It didn't happen. I wanted to do some cooking ahead to relieve some of the pressure I'm putting on myself to be the hostess with the mostess. It didn't happen.

Instead, C cleaned as much as he could today while I slept. I feel so lazy and so disappointed in myself. The person in our household who works full time and goes to school full time is the one who ends up doing the cleaning. I hate this.

I'm on the verge of an identity crisis. I can't keep a job, which is hard enough. But what the heck am I good for if I can't even do some light housekeeping and cooking? I feel like all I do is take, and I hate it.

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