Wednesday, March 12, 2008

time for this diabetic to suck it up & grow up

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I've been acting no better than a petulant child since my diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes back in January. Despite acquiring the necessary equipment, I haven't been testing my blood sugar. I've avoided attending diabetic education classes. I've resisted adjusting my diet in even the most basic and obvious of ways. I've continued to skip meals. In fact, the only thing I've done is take the medication I was prescribed. Pretty sad, isn't it?

Yesterday I had my first appointment with my new endocrinologist, Dr. M II. By the time I arrived at her office just after 1 p.m. I'd worked myself into such a knot of nervous energy I was ready to run right back out of the building, get back in the car and never come back. Luckily my mom had brought me to the appointment, so I'd have had to explain my behavior. That kept me from completely wigging out.

I'm happy to report that my new doctor is fantastic. She has a great way with patients and is extremely knowledgeable in her field. I felt comfortable being honest with her that I've been in denial about my diabetes diagnosis, and she was nice about it. At first she thought she'd start me on insulin, but decided to first increase my Metformin dose and see how I'm doing at my next appointment at the end of the month.

She also said she doesn't think I need to be on anything for thyroid because my numbers were within the normal range. She's sending me to get another set of labs just to see where I'm at while I'm tapering off the medication. I'm happy to have one less thing wrong with me and take one less medication, needless to say.

I haven't had any soda today and I've checked my blood sugar successfully once last night and twice today (before and after breakfast). I ate breakfast, too. I haven't been doing that even though I know better.

This has been a hard adjustment for me. Finding out yet another thing is wrong with me makes me feel like an even more flawed failure of a human being. Even worse, I feel as though I'm to blame for developing diabetes because I'm not at my ideal weight and I've known for many years that I had a good chance of developing it. I know intellectually that I might have developed diabetes no matter what, but I find it hard not to blame myself. Thankfully,
I think I'm finally snapping out of my immature rebellious reaction to my diagnosis and doing what I know I need to do.

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