Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I'm So Lazy: Ways We Trick & Abuse Ourselves

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I've had the message that I'm lazy and absolutely must start keeping the house clean running on a track in my mind for months. Never mind that I'm completely unable to work and receiving Social Security benefits. Why let logic get in the way of abusing myself, right?

The running thought that if only I tried harder I could get more done around here became louder and louder and louder. This week the message finally became so impossible to ignore that I forced myself to clean well beyond what I know are my legitimate limits.

Now I'm sitting here feeling awful. The migraine I treated earlier has returned. I'm still suffering the lingering side effects of the medication I took to treat it this morning, and I'm in terrible pain again, too.

Why in the world do I do this to myself? I want a clean house. I want to make things easier for my husband. I don't feel like we can really afford a housekeeper. I need help, but I don't know how to make that happen. If anyone else told me she did this to herself I would be so sad and remind her she isn't lazy. She's sick. But it's hard for me to say that to myself.

I seem to have a pattern of doing this to myself. I push myself so far that I'm forced to stop and realize that spending most of my time taking it easy is not a choice. I absolutely cannot push myself like I used to love to do. I wish I could say I've learned my lesson for good
this time, but somehow I don't think I probably have.

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DISCLAIMER: Nothing on this site constitutes medical or legal advice. I am a patient who is engaged and educated and enjoys sharing my experiences and news about migraines, pain and depression. Please consult your own health care providers for advice on your unique situation.