Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Ups & Downs

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I don't know if I'll ever understand why my moods can vary so much from one day to the next. Monday (yesterday) was a very positive day. We woke up in our hotel room in Dallas after a decent night's sleep, ate a leisurely complimentary breakfast and watched TV & played on the Internet until the time came for my doctor's appointment with my migraine specialist.

We spent five hours at my doctor's office going over symptoms, medications, treatments, possibilities and plans. I left feeling good about the plan we set in place for moving forward. (I need to write another post about that because there are a ton of details to share.)

We went to a mall and shopped at about three stores before I felt like collapsing, so we stopped for dinner and ice cream. I was dead tired at the end of the day, and I started to feel like I was gonna lose it. I was that kind of tired you got when you were a kid and you would crumble into a heap and bawl. I wanted to do that so bad. Instead I fell into bed and read myself to sleep.

Last night's downswing carried into today. A migraine woke me up at 4:30 am. I tried to go back to sleep a few times instead of just getting up and treating it, but I couldn't possibly stand it for another second at 6 am and finally did get up. I was so tired and antsy to get going.

We hit the road after breakfast and I felt from that point forward that my husband was in a terrible mood all day. The last thing I needed on top of my own instability. I kept asking him to try not to take his fatigue and frustration out on me, but by the time we got stuck in traffic right outside Norman, Okla., where it took us an hour and a half to travel four miles, he was fried. So you can imagine how it went over when we finally got home, showed up at the vet to pick up the pup and faced a $250 bill. It's my fault for wrapping all her exams, shots, boarding and grooming into one visit, but pets are expensive. They are also essential for my well being. The last thing I needed was to get grief from him in front of the vet staff when we were both tired and irritable.

I'm really trying hard not to put my moods on everyone else, but hell, why doesn't he hold himself to that standard? I'm the one who's been diagnosed with a mental illness here, not him. If I can work on it so can he.

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DISCLAIMER: Nothing on this site constitutes medical or legal advice. I am a patient who is engaged and educated and enjoys sharing my experiences and news about migraines, pain and depression. Please consult your own health care providers for advice on your unique situation.