Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Top Snarky Migraine Related Thoughts

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All of us living with migraine disease, especially those with a biting sense of humor (like me), think of snarky comments we'd like to share with the world just about every day.

I usually keep them to myself, though once in a while I share them on Facebook or Twitter. But honestly, most of them get filed away in my head. Little did I know they were waiting for the opportunity of a post like this to purge them all at once. 

Here's my list.
  • People who think strobe lights are cool should be taken out back and shot.  
  • Any man who thinks bathing himself in cologne is going to get him a great girl is dead wrong. Listen, buddy. You reek, and now I have a migraine. 
  • A migraine is just a headache? Come over here and let me puke all over your shoes and spin you around in a circle until you collapse while light and sound bore invisible holes in your brain.
  • "Have you tried juicing to cure your migraines?" (Insert any other inane, unsolicited suggestion of your choice.) First, let's start with the fact there is no cure for migraine. Second, bite me. Seriously, just bite me. You want to juice, more power to you. As for me, I'm through trying expensive, unproven treatments out of sheer desperation. And don't even start trying to tell me I'd try it if I really wanted to get well. I'm not the one.
  • "I don't know how you live like this." Listen, I get that when people say this they mean well. People say all kinds of stupid things when they don't know quite what to say. But it's hurtful. What's the alternative? Taking my life? No thanks. There's far too much good in my life to end it, regardless of chronic migraine disease, occipital neuralgia and my other chronic illnesses. 
  • I love the fact that you pitch in to help with meals, errands, child care or chores when someone has cancer or a death in the family. But what are we? Chopped liver? Most of the time we're hanging on by a thread here. The burden my husband carries is far more enormous than you can possibly imagine. 
  • Feel like whining about your routine cold or flu? Find someone else, thank you very much. I'm not hearing it. I'm in pain every single day and nauseated and sensitive to light, sound and smell most days. You'll feel better very soon. 
  • Awww, you make too much money to deduct your health care expenses from your federal income taxes? Poor you. That must be really hard. Clearly much harder than making so little money that you CAN deduct your health expenses from your taxes. Cause, you know, living on that amount of money is a cakewalk and a ride at Disneyland all rolled into one.

All right, now it's your turn. What are your snarky migraine-related thoughts? Please try to keep it clean. If you want to use bad words, which is totally understandable, please abbreviate (i.e. OMFG) or use characters (i.e. f@%k). Thanks!

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DISCLAIMER: Nothing on this site constitutes medical or legal advice. I am a patient who is engaged and educated and enjoys sharing my experiences and news about migraines, pain and depression. Please consult your own health care providers for advice on your unique situation.